where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
