So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
