Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
