she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
