Im at strip club and am horny
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize