Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
