I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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