Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.

(918): View more from Oklahoma

And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame

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(415): View more from California

its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead

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(513): View more from Ohio

CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....

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(972): View more from Texas

I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"

(1-972): View more from Texas

More like "Chia Pet"

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(201): View more from New Jersey

just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.

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(914): View more from New York

i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.

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