haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We got so high we made milksteak
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
