I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
