OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
