Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
