Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
