Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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