oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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