I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
