What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
