I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
