Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize