I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize