Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize