my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize