i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I know her cup size but not her name....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
