if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
