guys are only as good as the porn they watch
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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