my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
