When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he fucked my hip out of place.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
