i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
