So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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