Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
