I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
