At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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