My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
