please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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