I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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