my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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