One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I deserve this hangover.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
