I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
