i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
