we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
a search helicopter?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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