apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
