A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
