I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
