She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
