I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Floor bacon is actually really good
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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