jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
