ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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