I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
