On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
