Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
