I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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