I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
