I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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