Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
