4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
