I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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