you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
