well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize