dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
