if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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