You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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