I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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